The Bo Show

WRITE TO MARRY DAY

Today is “Write to Marry Day,” a day for bloggers all over the country to blog about the need for equal rights and why gay marriage is so important.

Just yesterday I had a rather “heated” discussion about this year’s election. We discussed so much, including unequal pay to woman for equal work, racial divides and bigotry targeting immigrants. I brought up the issue of gay marriage, and why it is very important to me. One of my friends turned to me and said, “BO, you always play that card.” That comment cut right through me. We discussed so much during this lunchtime chat centering around being to the “left”, and being to the “right.” One of my friends even discussed the importance of the “middle.” To me there is no left, right or middle ground when it comes to gay marriage.

I want to marry the man of my dreams one day. The thought of not having this choice so many other people have kills me. I often say to my straight friends, and they don’t seem to get it, “I don’t have the right to marry the man I love.” Something everyone of them takes for granted. I used to say, when I was dating my ex-boyfriend, “I can’t marry Rob.” Everyone who knew me, knew how important that man was to me. So, for them to know I could not marry him, even if my heart wanted it so badly, I thought would be enough for them to fight for equal gay rights.

But, I learned most of my friends, and most people will only fight for what directly affects them. Why would you care about gay marriage if you’re not gay… right?!? Well, there are many Americans who are not like my friends. These people do care about gay marriage. These people care so much, they raise millions of dollars and carry hundreds of signs trying to keep me from putting a ring on my love’s finger. They stop at nothing, while trying to keep me from creating and growing a supportive loving family. It seems they would rather me be alone than alive and thriving with a husband.

When little boys and girls grow up, before being gay becomes a part of their lives, they talk about ‘one day when I’m married.’ Why is it when the word gay enters the equation, the word “marriage” is subtracted from that same equation?

When I walk down the street holding the hand of the man I care about most, I should not have to worry if someone is going to call me a “fag” and give me a dirty look. When we’re on the subway standing close to each other, and chatting intimately, I should not have to turn and see the entire train gawking at us like we’re that evening’s main performance.

We have to fight so much to prove who we are… we have to have awfully emotional “coming out” conversations with family and friends. We have to explain so much of our lives so other people could understand why we are the way we are. I had to go through weeks of my mother calling me a “fag” because she didn’t know how to deal with the man I grew up to be. With all this energy, all this fighting to be a productive, successful, healthy and loving gay man, don’t you think I – and others like me – have fought enough? Don’t you think we have proven ourselves enough? What more do we have to do? We have to continue the fight.

We have to fight California’s Proposition 8, because if we don’t, if the right to marry in California is reversed… we are yet another step, no staircase away from getting married one day.

When I meet the man of my dreams, I’ll want to marry him. Is that so wrong?

Find more “Write to Marry” blogs at - BO Show is #108: Mombian.com